sometimes

sometimes I hate being the way I am.

sometimes I hate that I'm a Leo.

I hate that I don't like to be alone.
I hate that I'm always feeling like I don't belong anywhere.
I hate that I'm always comparing myself to others
I hate that I'm always making myself feel inferior.


---

University choices are killing me.

I'm scared.
Scared of too many things

I'm afraid of the new environment, the new people, the money issues, whether I can take the pressure.
I'm afraid I won't have any friends there, I'm afraid I'll drift away from my current friends.
I'm afraid at the end of it all I will just come to realize that there's nothing I can do better than to be useless.



Is this supposed to be the way to feel when it's time to make a choice? 

work, and other stuff

blogging at work,
a first after awhile.


currently stoning at my desk while I take my time to finish some of the stuff I was told to do.


...

is it weird to want to try stuff ... like drinking and smoking and clubbing?
I mean, I know it's not good for me, and I know I probably shouldn't even think about it.
But sometimes I really just wanna try it at least once.
If I get hooked, I'll exercise self-control (not as easy as it sounds, I know)
If I don't, then at least I know.




sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.


:<

internship :(

second day and i'm dying already.
the place is okay, but IDK, I'm just not feeling like I can survive in this place for six months.

i was always more of a retail line person. /le sigh/

i never liked feeling like a newbie, but i never seem to adapt to an environment fast enough. i'm a contradicting person.

my supervisor SEEMS nice, but ino the second day I still can't tell. she's intimidating all right. 不会怕才怪。

i should be glad that I'm doing admin and research to support the events team i suppose.

I wonder how many off days I'm entitled to.

Of horoscopes and blood types.

Sometimes I wonder how many people actually believe what their horoscope signs and blood type characteristics tell them, or how many people actually find that the characteristics and signs to be like what they really are in real life.
I've also recently realized that even the beginning letter of your name actually do carry some characteristics ._.

For me, I actually find that SOME of the characteristics actually describe me perfectly in real life.
I went to dig up some of the tweets that I've retweeted previously that actually fit me pretty well.

HOROSCOPES:

• #Leo enjoy others who they can imitate and learn from
• When a #Leo commits, they do so completely with their heart and soul
• As a #Leo, you utilize your energy together with the benefit of a sense for direction, clarity and wisdom
• In their lovers, #Leos try to find a person who can match wits with them, a partner who understands their need to be the centre of attraction

BLOODTYPES:

• Type O might forgive someone in their heart, but tend to have difficulties expressing it because of their pride
• Be loyal to a Type O and they will never let you down, but once you disappoint them they'll never look at you the same
• Type Os seem like they never get stressed out, because they like to hide their stress
• Type Os are ambitious, yet lazy at the same time
• Type Os know when something won't work out, but still can't stop hoping
• Type Os don't like to ask for help, they believe they can do everything on their own
• Type Os easily fall head over heels at first sight
• Type Os are horrible at expressing their feelings
• Type Os tend to come off as indifferent when they are trying to hide their true feelings
• When a Type O walks out on you, do whatever it takes to get them back. They miss you.

INITIALS:

• Most "D"s are very worried about their figure
• Although "D"s might seem strong and all, they fear many things
• Most "D"s are no longer who they thought they were, they've changed alot
• Don't you dare make a "D" jealous, it will haunt them for days
• Most "D"s hearts are battlegrounds, where mistrust and need of others are in a constant struggle

So basically, that just makes me a prideful idiot who can't express her feelings well, and has a love-hate relationship with drama  ._. 

Ain't I just awesome /sarcasm/ 

Do you believe in this kinda stuff? *talks to a wall in cyberspace*

- - - - -

On a side note, my internship is starting tomorrow and I AM SCARED ._. 

Not scared as in really frightened, but more of intimidated? 

I was never one who could adapt to a new environment easily ._. 

110311

Today is the 11th of March 2012.
Today marks the first year since the Great Eastern Japan Earthquake.
Since Japan is one hour ahead of Singapore, I took a moment of silence at 1.46pm for those who were lost and for those who have lost because of this tragedy.

I still remember seeing Hiroto, AOI, RUKI, T.M.R and all the JROCKERs that I follow on Twitter tweeting about what was going on, and after the quake, they were helping out by retweeting information on shelters, spreading word on who was missing and got their followers to help out.
It was really nice to see that they were all helping out.
T.M.R also organized a charity drive Stand Up Japan, where artistes put their own personal items up for auction and all the proceeds went to helping the earthquake victims.


To be perfectly honest, this earthquake has impacted me in some ways too.
If it wasn't for the earthquake, we wouldn't have started talking.
Even though we're like this now, but I've never actually regretted it.
*coughcough*

hello march.

March is gonna be a really busy month.
My internship starts in less than two weeks, and I've gotta do a little shopping before I start work !
I'm looking forward to start work, but nevertheless I'm kinda intimidated by whatever is gonna be happening at the workplace !
頑張ろうぜ！

the two most important people in my life.

as of yesterday, I've officially ended my second year in RP with my last UT.

Time really, really does fly.
One moment we're complaining about how the semester is gonna suck so badly, the next moment we're reminiscing those times that we've spent together.

Two years in RP, and there have been alot of people who have come and gone in my life.
But the two who impacted me the most, will definitely be this two beautiful ladies.

Elise (above) and Dionne (below):

They probably have no idea, but they have left such a huge impact on my life.
To some, one semester, or even two years might not be a long period of time.
But to me, these were probably the time most well-spent in my entire schooling life.


Dionne. I've known her since the first day of the first semester of my first year  in RP. I'll admit, being new to how poly life was like, I had the tendency to go with the flow. When the class had disagreements with her, it kinda affected me slightly even though I tried my best to be neutral.
Then came the second semester of my Year 1 life, where we were posted to the same class again. This time, however, I managed to get to know her better and that was when we became close.  I got to know her better as a team mate, a friend, and now, we're so so close.

Elise. I've only known her for a semester, of which to some, isn't very long. But now, we've become so close. We started off partialling one MA lesson, and I am really glad that I have found a friend like her. She's done so so so so much for me, I wouldn't mind spending an entire lifetime paying her back.

Because they're both a year or two older than I am, I will honestly admit that I tend to turn to them to advice for all kinds of matters.
And they've really helped me alot, be it by sharing their experiences with me, or just being there and supporting me and my decisions through it all.


Without them, I wouldn't be who I am today.
Without them, I probably wouldn't have made it through this far, this happy in poly.


Words are seriously not enough to describe how much these two people mean to me.
They're the first ones I want to share my happy times with.
They're the first ones who will be there when I'm in need of a listening ear, or advice.
They're the two people that I would never ever want to lose.


.
.
.

谢谢你们一直都在我的身边！  ♥

愛してる！  ♥

To Elise, Dionne:

" We might be going on our own different ways in Year 3 because I'm going for internship, and the both of you are going to TPAM. But no matter what, I don't want to lose contact with any of you. And I want you two to know that I will always, always, always be here for the both of you. I might not be mature enough to give advice on certain stufsf, but I want to at least be there as a listening ear, as someone that you can turn to whenever you need to. I love you guys kay!  ♥ "




"It's not about who's been there since the beginning, it's about who were there till the very end..." 

When you don't have high expectations, you don't have huge disappointments.

I saw this coming, and surprisingly, I don't feel affected by it.

Oh well.


If mind games are what you want, mind games are what you get.

after alot of thinking, i realized..

after 19 years, i might not be ready for a r/s after all.
As a Leo, I guess I really do love freedom, in all forms.

I'm not going to think too much about anything, and just do what I feel like doing.
I'm only going to be young once.

" to love and win is the greatest, to love and lose is the second greatest"   -   Twitter