moving on.

Yes, I know I've said this alot of times.

"I'm going to move on."
"I'm moving on."
"I've moved on."

Yet at the end of it all, when I receive a text from you, when I see you, it seems like all my efforts gone to waste.
I get that feeling all over again, and then I realize, I'm actually NOT over you yet.

This can't go on. 

I have to move on, I really have to. 

- - -

Tomorrow, the 17th of December, will be the birthday of a friend that I used to have.
Yes, used to.

We knew each other since Primary 3, we were best friends all the way till Sec 4.
She started ignored my texts, ignored my calls.
And then I lost a friend.

I think ever since that, I've been kinda paranoid about having people close to me.
It's like, I wanna be close with them, but I'm afraid to at the same time.

That's why I push people away.
That's why I pushed you away.
これって、私の「定め」って言う事なのかな、


---


I wanna go back to the days when "we" didn't exist.
Or at least to the days when "we" was still a possibility.